Fiend at Court Unplugged
Many years ago I once chipped ice off a tennis court before playing a junior match in the Cotton Bowl tennis tournament. That event is an indelible part of our family lore. To add insult to injury, I lost the ensuing match. The Umpire who Gave Birth To Me watched me play from the cozy confines of the pro shop. She was less than impressed with my level of energy during the match as evidenced by the fact that I never took my sweats off. It was c-c-c-c-old.
A week ago today, the Fiend at Court Spousal Unit, loaded up his truck and traversed some marginal road conditions to make the return trip from his family’s ranch in Oklahoma. He was up there helping his Dad feed cattle during the recent blizzard and artic weather conditions that turned Texas into a third-world nation in terms of power infrastructure reliability. I weathered the storm in Wichita Falls where the Umpire Who Gave Birth To Me is still recovering from injuries sustained in a fall last November.
The bed of his truck was full of firewood to replenish what we had literally burned through during the extensive power outages. The amount of firewood he brought us is a numerical unit known as “one chainsaw gas tank” stack.
The Umpire Who Gave Birth To Me was flattered that the Fiend at Court Spousal Unit might have made the first leg of the journey out of concern over how we were faring. I knew that the reality was USTA League. He captains three teams with matches scattered across the weekend. That was probably a more significant motivation.
The Umpire Who Gave Birth to me thought that was a ridiculous notion. She scoffed at the idea that courts anywhere in the DFW area would be playable the following day. Besides, who in their right mind would chip ice off a court for a league match? The Fiend at Court Spousal Unit later texted me a photo labeled as Exhibit A.
For the sake of clarity, the amount of ice I chipped of a tennis court before my junior match in the Cotton Bowl so many years ago was no where near the volume that was cleared last weekend. If it had, there is a chance that I would have warmed up to the point where removing my sweats was not a crazy idea.
As a frightening footnote to this saga, I believe that the opposing captain in this league match was more enthusiastic about getting the match played than the Fiend at Court Spousal Unit and did more of the actual ice removal. That means there are at least two instances of this unique flavor of lunatic captain roaming the DFW metroplex. Be careful out there kids.
