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Special Edition, NTRP Ratings Eve

Twas the night before bump ups, new ratings pronounced;
Not a player was resting... Here's my account;

Their numbers were done by the computer with care,
All hoped that the NTRP would this year be fair;
While others were nestled all snug in their beds;
Tennis players hit "reload" til their fingers all bled;

Dressed up in my Nationals shirt and a cap,
A beer in my hand, no time for a nap,
When out of Orlando there arose such a clatter,
The servers slowed, hope was in shatters.

The appointed hour came and went in a flash;
But nothing was posted, the system had crashed;
My annoyance and dread had started to grow:
What's my new rating?!? I just had to know.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a message to exercise patience my dear.
Computers aren't really a USTA thing;
Outsourced to a third party, (ka-ching!)

More rapid than eagles the curses they came;
With epithets shouted in all ways profane;
Now captains and ringers and bags made of sand;
Would all have to stay up much later than planned.

It is like this every year I recall,
The desperate queries, network traffic that crawls;
Like leaves that before the wild hurricane fly;
Texts with outcomes start to arrive.

That 3.5 self-rate who played college too;
Double bumped from that roster, good-bye and adieu;
The 3.0 appeal with a Super Champ history,
Only up to 3.5, somewhat of a mystery;

The one year 4.5 who lost every match,
Reunited with her 4.0 team in a snap;
The National Champion with an unappealable bump,
is off with a wave "See you next year, chumps."

With a wink of an eye and a twist of the head, 
The organizational insiders land in good stead;
They speak not a word and go straight to work,
Assembling new teams of competitive jerks.

The night is over, the ratings are posted;
"To another year" they say as we get toasted;
Save for one lone voice with a final serve, 
"NTRP to you, it's what you deserve."


2 thoughts on “Twas the Night Before Bump Ups

  1. Steve Ackley says:

    Well done !!!

  2. Christina says:

    So creative!!

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