Special Edition, NTRP Ratings Eve
Twas the night before bump ups, new ratings pronounced; Not a player was resting... Here's my account; Their numbers were done by the computer with care, All hoped that the NTRP would this year be fair; While others were nestled all snug in their beds; Tennis players hit "reload" til their fingers all bled; Dressed up in my Nationals shirt and a cap, A beer in my hand, no time for a nap, When out of Orlando there arose such a clatter, The servers slowed, hope was in shatters. The appointed hour came and went in a flash; But nothing was posted, the system had crashed; My annoyance and dread had started to grow: What's my new rating?!? I just had to know. When what to my wondering eyes did appear, But a message to exercise patience my dear. Computers aren't really a USTA thing; Outsourced to a third party, (ka-ching!) More rapid than eagles the curses they came; With epithets shouted in all ways profane; Now captains and ringers and bags made of sand; Would all have to stay up much later than planned. It is like this every year I recall, The desperate queries, network traffic that crawls; Like leaves that before the wild hurricane fly; Texts with outcomes start to arrive. That 3.5 self-rate who played college too; Double bumped from that roster, good-bye and adieu; The 3.0 appeal with a Super Champ history, Only up to 3.5, somewhat of a mystery; The one year 4.5 who lost every match, Reunited with her 4.0 team in a snap; The National Champion with an unappealable bump, is off with a wave "See you next year, chumps." With a wink of an eye and a twist of the head, The organizational insiders land in good stead; They speak not a word and go straight to work, Assembling new teams of competitive jerks. The night is over, the ratings are posted; "To another year" they say as we get toasted; Save for one lone voice with a final serve, "NTRP to you, it's what you deserve."
Well done !!!
So creative!!