Fiend at Court Unplugged
As I frequently tell my family, this blog doesn’t write itself. Today is an exception because it kind of did. Or rather, Ann Thompson wrote it for me back in 1977. It is a league Captain’s report card. It is one of the fascinating tennis artifacts that has turned up in the house of the Umpire Who Gave Birth to Me.
I have provided a complete transcription of that letter. I suspect that the cursive handwriting might be a challenge for some. Additionally, that contribution keeps me from completely phoning it in today.
Dear Gladys,
I was once again asked to write a letter of appreciation fo you. I suppose I was asked because kind words and thoughts just naturally flow through my heart and mouth.
A year has passed since we last gave you our vote of confidence. Therefore, let’s take a backwards glance over the past year and review your qualifications for leadership.
The following is how we would grade you if you were to receive a report card. And this is the grading system:
R- Regressing
I- Improving
E-Excellent
1. Senility – R (Regressing) This lower grade was given to you for submitting to the middle-aged woman syndrome of changing to a Prince Racket.
2. Respect for Authority – I (Improving) We have observed your continued confidence in our pro’s ability to get things accomplished.
3. Endurance – E (Excellent) Believe it or not, some of us really wanted league to be called off the day the wind was blowing 53 miles an hour. But thanks to you, we endured.
4. Math – R (Regressing) Really now! Being score keeper and going home with only one trophy?
5. Sportsmanship – E (Excellent) You showed superb sportsmanship following the two sets you lost this past year.
6. Personal Appearance – R (Regressing) You’ve really slipped a lot lately. Having only 432 tennis dresses is not keeping up the proper image. We also noticed that you wore a red wristband with a brown dress the other day.
All in all I think this is a report card you would not be ashamed to take home.
Just in case you missed the point of this letter, let me put it another way. Your many hours on the telephone, your hard work, and your patience has not gone unnoticed and we wish to thank you.
Your faithful tennis buddies.
Letter dated 12/13/1977.
